Please Sportsguy, Enough With The Gambling

Look, Sportsguy, I've been as big an advocate of your work as anyone. I supported you when our books were competing. (Theoretically at least -- we were on the same Amazon page for a month.) But don't try to pass this crap off as sportswriting, albeit with a gambling expert's frisson:

From a gambling standpoint, we can definitively say the following things: Pick every underdog unless you can't live with yourself for passing up a particular favorite. Grab underdog money lines over taking the points. Avoid road favorites and teasers unless your other option is setting your money on fire. Never feel comfortable with a lead until you see three zeros on the clock, coaches awkwardly shaking hands and players forming a prayer circle at midfield. And in the words of Agent Mulder, trust no one.

Seriously, dude. Your wife is kicking your ass on your own ESPN column. Your longstanding football gambling rules make little sense on the whole. Your column back in August in which you whined that poker winners no longer had to be skillful (after you tanked out of the World Series of Poker on the first day -- rationalize much?) was a bit on the pathetic side. Admit that, golly gee willickers, gambling has always been primarily about beating odds that are stacked against you. That or else your wife knows more about football than you do.

Just. Stop. With. The. Gambling. Now. Please.