Larry Joe Bird's Powers

So, let's say that you are convicted of a major crime. And let's say that the prosecution and your own lawyers seem to have settled on a thirty year prison term. And let's say that you are a huge fan of one Larry Joe Bird. What is the only logical course of action? To ask for 33 years instead, of course. After all, according to our protagonist, Eric James Torpy, if you're going to go down, you may as well do it in Larry Bird's jersey. Wiser words have never been spoken. I guess.

(Hoist a mug to the silent dcatter, Holmesy, for this one.)