I say all of this because we went to the movies last night. We went to see "Underworld: Evolution." Not my kind of movie, but let's just say that I was outvoted 1 to 1. From the minutes the lights went down and the previews came up, the entire row in back of us was talking, oftentimes across several people. They were not alone. And I know it is just the previews, but I am an ardent believer that the trailers set the tone for the movie. People who feel free to speak in full voice during the coming attractions usually do not become dormice when the feature starts.
Under ordinary circumstances, I'm the guy who turns around and in no uncertain terms tells the offenders to shut up. But last night I just got the sense that I would be a lone voice in the wilderness, as it seems as if every row had people talking. I think I may have reached the point where I will no longer go to a night showing of a particular kind of movie on a weekend.
Of course there is another option: You, the one talking while the film is playing -- will you please just shut the fuck up? Seriously.
Here is what I think the problem might be: Home entertainment options have become almost limitless. Where once VCR's were the sign of middle class pop culture hunger and access, today we have DVD's and DVD burners, internet, the iPod and TiVo. We are alkways entertained, so public mediums for entertainment no longer mark a special sphere. If we chat during a DVD or television show we can pause and rewind, or just watch the TiVo later. The space between movies at home and movies at the multiplex have become blurred -- after all, if you have a 45 inch plasma screen with surround sound, you may get just as good an experience at home, and you do it with your buddies or alone in your underwear. In short, we no longer know how to act out in public.
Tom (Friend of dcat, master of Big Tent, Rebunker at his core) and I were just talking about this, and he lamented the absence of something that really does not have to be long gone: The usher. In some cities, movies start around the clock. But here in Odessa at our multiplexes, there is a pretty clear pattern -- movies will start in bunches every couple of hours with a few exceptions. There are down times for the kid who takes your ticket or pours your popcorn or cleans the puke off the bathroom floor. Why can't those people wander the theater every few minutes, or even twice per theater each showing, with a flashlight and a mandate to finger, and if necessary, eject offenders? Who, other than people who talk in theaters, would oppose this idea?
There was a time not long ago when movies and McDonald's made for a pretty cheap date. Now movies are pricey -- we have it good here in Odessa, and it still cost $15 for two adults to get into the movies last night. In some places that might run you upwards of $22, never mind any refreshments, and never mind that adults on a date might not eat dinner at McDonald's any more. If I am spending $35 at the theater, don't the theater owner, manager, and its employees at least owe me a chance to watch the movies without spending two hours wondering how much trouble I would get into if I cracked the guy on the cell phone behind me in the jaw?
Furthermore, if the multiplex personnel won't police their theaters, the rest of us should do so. I am pretty convinced that if I had told the two guys last night that they should rather let the characters figure out their own solutions than try to shout advice at the screen, I just would have been asking for either an hour and a half of harassment or a night in jail. It should not be like this. If someone turns around and tells an offender to shut up, the entire rest of the theater population ought to be willing to raise pitchforks and torches in support of the vigilante enforcement of what was once, at least in my mind's eye, a sepia-toned world of movie theater courtesy.
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